I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
