I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
