It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
