Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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