No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
