I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
