Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
