I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
