: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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