so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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