Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
