I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
