youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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