Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
