jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
