my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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