these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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