We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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