Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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