She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
