Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
