I need to stop coming to work sober
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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