when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
