I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
