You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
