There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
