My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
