I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Farmville is her only friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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