carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
