Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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