The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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