i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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