'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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