it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
