i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
