dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
