i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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