Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
