Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
