i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
