I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
