The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
