My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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