Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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