i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
