Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
