This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
