having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
