I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
