i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
